she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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