george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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