She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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