All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
