I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
