He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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