I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
