we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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