I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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