I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
