Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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