yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
