So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ketchup is God's man juice
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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