Dual....:-)
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
