Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
