so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
