She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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