Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
