My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So much Jack, so little girl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
