So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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