i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
