Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
