dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
