I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
