Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
