i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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