what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
