wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this beer tastes like vomit already
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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