3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
