Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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