Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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