if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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