call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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