as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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