my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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