Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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