I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
