my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
