I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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