So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
