Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
