not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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