My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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