i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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