Yo dont text me then not text me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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