Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
