Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
