I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
