Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
