I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
