I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
