Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Houston, we have a squirter
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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