i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
