i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
