youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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